I wonder why giving up isn’t considered to be a power, an ability, an asset and perhaps, our only way to freedom from the fracas we choose to call life. The Existentialists weren’t out of their minds when they said living was the struggle. The Absurdists weren’t out of their minds either in saying that life is absurd (oh! what a surprise! What a surprise!). I remember being critical of those critical of suicide for years now. I don’t see why some of us need to sit in judgement of those who choose to end the chaotic cycle of highs-lows, positives-negatives, goods-bads and brand them cowards. Is it because the same some us despite being just as disillusioned with life lack the balls to choose an end or think it brave to carry on? The voice in my mind replies in the affirmative. And with that comes the realization that I am one of those on this side of the issue and I am just one more of those who are dragging their weight around. Cowardice does not lie in choosing death over life; it lies in not making any choice at all.

i do not seek a way...i do not seek solace...i seek an end...i seek finality
i seek the awareness of my penultimate breath...i seek closure

i set fire to sunday
with
laughter and smells of baking
but
the night it wouldnt burn
i
broke it to shards
and
twisted it a million times
but
there remained the black mass
of night
staring and irking
amidst
the pile of ashes
that
was sunday