It’s been a year since my grandpa passed away. It’s taken me just as long to get myself to write about it. I miss him. I miss his grey eyes which watered incessantly. I miss the little towel that he insisted on keeping right beside his pillow to wipe those eyes. I miss the way he gulped his food down and dissolved all his medicines in his glass of water. I miss his black shoes. I miss watching him put on and remove his specs six times in two minutes. I miss watching him count the replays of goals as goals because he no longer understood the difference. I miss the way he wore his clothes on the reverse and refused to wear them the right way.

For someone who had deteriorated as much as he had physically and psychologically, death was a relief. I’m glad he went peacefully, was hospitalized for just five days, lived a long good life etc…but I miss the man who told me the the most amazingly funny stories over a decade back…I miss the man who proudly announced to every rare visitor that his grand daughter had come first in class…I miss the man who listened to me more than he listened to his wife…I miss my grandpa.

And while I’m at this unforced bit of subjective analysis (what in life is objective one may ask) some more bits of learning from the past year…

A year back I couldn’t stand being alone while now, I sort of consciously avoid company…the best days are spent alone, outside home, in six tidy bookstores between cups of coffee and a lasagne…but people count all the same.

I think the creator got tricked while making the woman I call my mother…she’s always been iron deficient but possesses the most steely spirit ever. Low on iron, high on steel. Kudos. I feel like saying mmmmmmmmmy momma:P:) Oddly enough, she describes my blog as "incomprehensible." *how rude* (the Stephanie way)

Someone saved my sanity in a way that only he and me know…to say “thank you” would be demeaning…to say “love you” would be insufficient…as usual, words fail me when I need them the most. Hmmm…ours is a bittersweet symphony. Perhaps. *hug* *muah*...also, *yawn* considering how sleepy I was when we last talked hehe:P

Over the last one year I’ve stashed away half a dozen cards. I bought them for some extremely nice people I barely knew and never mustered the courage to give them out. I know each card remaining will be a regret because getting to know someone is one of the nicest processes ever.

I discovered that I do have the brother I’ve always wanted…:):)*hug*

I’ve come to believe that courting, marriage, sex and parenting etc are things where the scales have always been and perhaps, will be tipped in favour of men no matter how liberal we think we are.

When I walk beside couples and see that my own sides are as empty as empty can get I experience waves of psychotic jealousy.

One of the nicest sensory experiences ever - getting the knuckle of my finger gnawed at by my Atto:)…when warned that it’s beginning to hurt he quickly converts the nips into a very very genuine yawn:)

Also too late and too early, Kannika, my saviour turned twenty yesterday and gave the warmest parties with the most mmm desserts and lovely beings (counting in Patches)…may Sweet Chariot personified add to the long list of long livers in her family:)…and Diya and her smiles which tumble along as naturally as babies in fresh diapers in bed…happy almost birthday:)